catchall; gideon

[toyska]

I want you to know that on my journey to find a shitpost I learned what "pumpkin pounder" means

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[toyska]

[He snorts, and nudges her with his foot again.]

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it too much this time. The whole situation was ridiculous.

[LIKE... was it a baby choice, yeah, kinda. He's not gonna pretend like it wasn't. But he also doesn't think it's the biggest crime in the world to not condemn a nice guy to death because a shape-shifting octopus got creative.]

[cavaliered]

[that's her secret, she's always baby.]

Octopus can suck my nuts. [she mutters, bringing her arms up to cover her head.] Stop kicking me, assmunch.

[toyska]

Right, your "BDE."

[That's not the same thing childe]

I'll stop when you're ready to go get some food.

[cavaliered]

[my favorite thing in the world is childe saying BDE i'm glad i've brought this into the world

she stays on the floor for a bit longer, feeling sorry for herself. and then:]

If I eat I'm going to puke. [>:(]

[toyska]

[I'll use this power for evil

But he snickers.]

If you feel that way, you're going to do it regardless. [THEMS THE BREAKS KIDDO he doesn't call her that but it would be funny if he did] But you'll feel worse tomorrow if you don't eat.

[Childe doesn't know alcohol science he's just fake Russian]

[cavaliered]

[kiddo like he's not also a baby

hrhghghghh. okay, fine. she'll very, very gingerly start to pull herself up to sit. she looks dizzy, but her constitution is stronger than she gives it credit for, at least.]

[toyska]

[He's adult-passing and she's barely legal... their friendship is gonna get tumblr canceled

But if she's actually going to get up then he will put his phone back in his pocket and move to help her. He's not going to make her eat a coffee lemon but he will make her drunk people food. That's probably the easiest thing to find in this food court actually]

[cavaliered]

[i can't believe childe is problematic for being friends with a teenager

she does let him help her, though. she is drunk enough that she will lean on him if he lets her, though if there's any hint of hesitation or "wtf" she will stumble and suffer on her own.

she will take drunk food.]

[toyska]

[That's the true war crime

But no, he's fine with letting her lean on him. Like this, if she's not too drunk too pay attention, she'll probably notice that he carries himself with a slight degree of tension--the sort of active awareness of someone so used to bracing for threats, it's become natural to do so. He's steady, though; apparently he has carted drunk people around before.



However she's definitely bulkier than he is so I think it's funny if he complains--]

You're heavy.

[cavaliered]

[it's familiar, actually, the way he carries himself. she's the same way. that'll be something for her brain to deal with later when she's not drunk.]

Your mom's heavy.

[it's instinct i'm sorry childe]

[toyska]

[HE WILL FORGIVE HER just this once]

She'd better be, how else would she survive so many toddlers?

[cavaliered]

I don't know. I've never seen a baby before. [what]

[toyska]

Don't tell me you're "hatched" too. [w h a t]

[cavaliered]

What? No? What does that mean? Who got hatched?

[toyska]

Cosmopolitan, or so I've been told. [VERY DRYLY..... he can't decide if this is a prank or not] I was asking Bloody Mary how demons are made, and they said it varies.

[And that was. Their example.]

[cavaliered]

[squints into space]

That can't be right. Right? [she is too drunk for this.]

[toyska]

I have no idea. I'll ask them in a few days, but I don't know how likely they are to give me a straight answer.